The Towels Are Never Soft Again Movie Quote
Lee: Permit me tell y'all something about Asians, we never panic.
James Carter: Oh aye, when Godzilla be coming, y'all be trippin': "Giaca! Giaca!"
Lee: I will bitch-slap you back to Africa.
Lee: These men are Triads. The most deadly gang in China.
James Carter: Y'all retrieve they scare me? I'm from Los Angeles, man. We invented gangs!
[during a fight scene with a bunch of Chinese men]
James Carter: [after accidentally punching Lee] Sad, man!
Lee: Carter!
James Carter: All you await alike!
James Carter: [later on Hu Li is knocked out] You know, we could take been a adept couple. We could have had something special. But you ane crazy-ass bowwow!
[in Cantonese]
Kenny: [pointing to Carter] Why are you lot hangin' out with 7-11?
Lee: 7-eleven?
Kenny: Because his oral cavity never closes.
James Carter: [in English] Hey I heard that!
Lee: You are a civilian. In Hong Kong, *I* am Michael Jackson and *you* are Toto.
James Carter: You mean Tito! Toto is what nosotros ate for dinner final night!
[Carter attempted to speak Chinese to everybody merely had no idea what he said]
James Carter: What did I but say?
Lee: You just inquire everybody to pick upward their Samurai swords and shave your barrel.
James Carter: How come you lot ain't got no blackness people performing in this casino? We ain't adept enough for you?
Pit Dominate: We got Lionel Ritchie!
James Carter: Lionel Ritchie ain't been blackness since the commodores!
[outtake, later Ricky Tan falls to his death]
James Carter: Damn! He ain't gonna be in Rush Hour 3.
[Carter throws Lee's CD out the window]
Lee: That's my CD! Don't you ever impact a Chinese homo's CD!
[about to fight Hu Li]
James Carter: I'thou gonna pretend you a man. A very beautiful man with a bang-up trunk that I'd similar to take to the movies.
[Carter tried to pick up two girls in Chinese]
James Carter: All I did was invite them to have a drink.
Lee: Yous invited them to get naked and cede a small goat.
James Carter: Which give-and-take was 'goat'?
James Carter: [In a casino] I have a dream! That white people, and black people... and even Chinese people, tin run a risk together without getting different chips!
Audition: [Applause, Cheering]
James Carter: [Sees that Lee no longer needs a distraction] Whoa, whoa, whoa... in the spirit of brotherhood... let's but play craps human being.
James Carter: Just tell me how the Triads gonna kill us.
Lee: They volition torture u.s.a. for three days.
James Carter: Okay, I can handle that.
Lee: Then they will cutting off our eggrolls.
James Carter: Cut off our eggrolls? Hell no! Lets get the hell outta here! C'monday man, don't give up!
James Carter: Secret Service Agent James Carter, I like the sound of information technology. Won't be long before I'm in Washington D.C. protectin' the President.
Lee: We both know you wouldn't take a bullet for someone else.
James Carter: Yeah but they don't know that.
James Carter: Don't be messing with me, Lee. I volition slap you then hard you'll end up in the Ming Dynasty. I mean information technology man, I'll bitch slap you back to Bangkok!
Lee: Only follow my lead. Deed like a tourist.
James Carter: I am a tourist, fool!
Lee: I'yard sorry.
James Carter: You sorry? I got somebodies old chopsticks stuck upwardly my ass and all y'all gotta say to me is you sorry?
James Carter: Lee, let me introduce you to Carter'due south new theory of criminal investigation: follow the rich white human being.
Lee: Follow the rich white man?
James Carter: Behind every big law-breaking at that place'southward a rich white man waiting for his cut.
James Carter: [Snatching away a Chinese gangster's towel and looking at him naked] No wonder you mad!
[outtake, prison cell phone rings and Tucker answers]
James Carter: Hello? I'm filming man. Call me back at 7... I'g filming, I'thou looking at Jackie Chan dead in his eye. Call me back.
Lee: [pointing at the camera] We're on a... We're...
James Carter: Call me back!
Lee: Are you a professional? We are filming and you turn on your phone?
James Carter: No, you can't speak to Jackie Chan.
[crew laughter]
James Carter: No! They want to speak to you lot, Jackie.
Lee: [Tucker easily the phone to Jackie] Hello?
James Carter: I'm sad virtually this.
Lee: We're... We're filming right at present!
[crew laughter]
Lee: You're sad? Yous wasted all our film!
James Carter: [Takes phone back] Call me back later, vii o'clock!
[Tucker hangs upward, coiffure applause and laughter, Jackie points at Tucker]
James Carter: I can't believe I flew x,000 miles for this shit!
James Carter: Couldn't help noticin' how she was staring at a brother.
Lee: She never even look at you.
James Carter: Y'all merely jealous, Lee, 'cause women like me. I'grand tall, night and hansome and y'all third globe ugly.
Lee: I am not third world ugly, women recollect I'g cute. Similar Snoopy.
James Carter: Lee, Snoopy is 6 inches taller than you.
James Carter: All right, listen up! All the Triads and the ugly women on this side, and all the fine women on this side, right now!
[Carter has just been hit on by the gay Versace Salesman]
James Carter: Did yous see that?
Lee: He likes you.
James Carter: I ain't shopping with you no more.
James Carter: Oh I know I don't think I meet what I run across what I'm thinking. I know good and well y'all ain't gambling back here, this supposed to be a Chinese Eating place!
[In Cantonese]
Lee: Where did you larn that?
Kenny: Primary Ching.
Lee: Chief Ching of Hong Kong?
Kenny: No, Freddy Ching on Crenshaw.
Lee: [In English] They're brothers.
Kenny: How you gonna come up in here and jam me up similar this James, huh? Yous embarass me in front of my wife, my kids out at that place.
James Carter: Kenny you lot embarassin' yourself, y'all a black man with a Chinese restaurant on Crenshaw.
Ricky Tan: I enjoyed that trivial story you told well-nigh the dragon and the treasure. My mother used to tell it to me all the time. Do you know the moral of that story?
Steven Reign: Greed will imprison us all.
[Ricky stabs Reign]
Ricky Tan: I hate that fortune cookie shit.
James Carter: I don't similar my chickens live, I similar 'em dead and deep fried. You e'er heard of Popeye's?
James Carter: When the shootin' started, he was way too cool. And normally when there's shootin' white people aren't that cool, man. They either run around in circles, or screaming out 'Aaaaagh!'
James Carter: No, I'm Lee'southward new muscle. And don't let this robe fool you, this is the but color they had left.
James Carter: [after Lee kicks Ricky Tan out of a window and onto a cab] Damn! Expert kicking, Lee.
Lee: It was an accident.
James Carter: That's okay. We'll just say he tried to grab a cab.
Lee: [exasperated sigh] You will never understand me.
James Carter: Yous correct, considering I didn't fifty-fifty understand what you said to me correct then!
Ricky Tan: [while Lee is holding him at gunpoint] Would you like me to tell y'all how your male parent died?
[Lee cocks his gun]
James Carter: Hey, hey. Look one second, Lee. Information technology own't worth it, homo. He'due south trying to flim-flam yous. Don't become too far, man.
Ricky Tan: He never begged for his life. Or tried to make a deal.
James Carter: Put the gun down.
Ricky Tan: All he asked me... just seconds earlier I pulled the trigger... was that I promise non to kill you. Oh, he was and so pathetic.
James Carter: Oh hell no, he done went also far now, Lee. Shoot his donkey right now, Lee. Shoot his ass!
Ricky Tan: What are you doing to do, Lee?
James Carter: All you gotta practise is pull that trigger dorsum and BAM!
Ricky Tan: Are you lot going to spend the remainder of your life hiding like your father?
James Carter: Man, don't let him talk about your daddy like that! Shoot him, Lee!
Ricky Tan: Can't practise information technology, tin can you?
James Carter: Yep, hell you can Lee. Ain't nobody up here merely us, man.
Ricky Tan: Just as I thought.
James Carter: Go off on him, man, he's trying to punk you! Shoot him!
Ricky Tan: Keep!
James Carter: If you own't gonna shoot him, kung fu his ass or something!
Lee: I'll meet y'all at the bar in 10 minutes. They don't like tourists in here, so try to blend in.
James Carter: Blend in? I'm two anxiety taller than everyone in here.
James Carter: [In a casino] My people did non get through 362 years of slavery but and then you could send us back to the cotton fields with $500 chips!
James Carter: I'k tall, dark and handsome, and you're 3rd world ugly.
James Carter: [Budgeted a Chinese soul food restaurant] This is my informer'due south place. They got some proficient ribs here too.
Lee: If yous reach for that gun, I'll kill you.
Ricky Tan: Aren't you forgetting? I'm already dead.
[running downward a Hong Kong street]
James Carter: Out of the mode! LAPD!
James Carter: Hey Lee! What are you doing?
Lee: ...Dancing
James Carter: Dancing! Homo, im up here working, putting my life on the line, and you upward hither messing around, dancing with some Bimbo... Does she have a friend?
Lee: I'm non tertiary world ugly, women like me! They call back I'm beautiful, similar... Snoopy.
James Carter: Lee, Snoopy is six inches taller than you.
Old Lady on Stairs in Bamboo-Climbing Fight: [to James Carter] Move aside, Kobe!
Lee: All he wanted was some Mushu.
Lee: That's Ricky Tan.
James Carter: That'due south Ricky Tan? Human being, that's a midget in a bathrobe!
Lee: Carter, you don't understand.
James Carter: Oh I understand, man. I got knocked off a edifice, I got beat on, I got stripped barrel-naked and yous held out on me. I'm outta here.
Lee: [outtake] I always dreamed to square martin.
Isabella: I need your help.
Lee: Last time y'all needed my help, I woke up in a truck.
Lee: You still have it?
Kenny: 'Still got my lunch coin from the tertiary form.
Captain Chin: [to HKPD officers] Escort Detective Carter to the airport.
Lee: No, I'll take him.
James Carter: [to HKPD officers] *Get* your hands off!
[in Mandarin]
Hu Li: [watching Isabella while carving an apple with a knife] I do not trust her.
Triad: Our orders are to leave her lone.
Hu Li: [puts on a simulated smile for Isabella, still speaking in Cantonese] I want to slice those pretty lips off her face. Bury her in the desert with those two cops.
[in English language, to Isabella]
Hu Li: Some apple?
Isabella: [takes apple] Yous'd improve put that knife abroad, bitch, before you have an accident.
[Hu Li throws the knife and hits the apple tree as Isabella takes a seize with teeth]
[outtake]
James Carter: Gotta be somethin' you lot want?
Lee: I've always wanted to go to Square Mad - -...
Lee: I ever want to go to square... I
[pause]
Lee: Shhhh!
Lee: I've always dreamed to Square Marden...
[Jackie and Chris laugh]
Lee: I always wanted to go to Square 3,2...
[laughing and Jackie tampers]
Lee: At present I'k gone. At present I'one thousand nervous. Every garden I'1000 nervous! Madison Square Garden.
Lee: I always desire to go to Square...
[Jackie and Chris express joy]
Captain Mentum: Chief Inspector Lee will supervise your people.
Amanuensis Sterling: No, he will report to me. Do we understand each other?
[Lee and Carter pass through the room naked]
Agent Sterling: Who the hell is that?
Captain Mentum: That is, uh... Master Inspector Lee.
Lee: Finish, I'one thousand ill of your bullshit.
James Carter: And I'm sick of you! I'one thousand not the one running upwardly in Karaoke bars full of gangsters. And I'chiliad not the one running upwardly in massage parlors looking for crime lords.
James Carter: [to Lee at a massage parlor] What's wrong with you man? You never step in front of a blackness homo at a buffet line.
Hu Li: I recall someone amend telephone call the police.
James Carter: What was that? Did yous only take another damn case on my vacation man?
James Carter: At that place's two billion Chinese people hither, let one of them be your partner!
James Carter: I heard that. I heard that. Don't exist talkin' 'bout me, homo!
James Carter: What in the hell is going on up in here? Am I the only 1 listening to this? The homo destroyin' a classic! BOO!
Suit Salesman: [Carter's walking on the streets of Hong Kong, looking for Heaven on Earth massage parlour] Cheap suits! Cheap suits!
James Carter: How cheap?
Suit Salesman: Cheap suits!
[the Salesman leads Carter inside]
[Lee and Carter are trying to become a bomb out of Isabella's suite]
James Carter: [to Lee] Kick the door.
Lee: [Lee kicks open the door] No, no, no, no, no.
[takes the bomb from Isabella]
James Carter: [looking at Isabella in her bra and panties] Damn you wait fine.
Lee: Carter!
[Carter enters the room while Lee is holding Ricky Tan at gunpoint]
James Carter: Hey Ricky, how you lot doing? Lee, I run into you've got everything under control, man, I'm gonna go downstairs and...
[sees Reign's dead torso]
James Carter: God damn! What happened to Reign?
[after Isabella kisses Lee]
James Carter: I saw that. You played it smooth too, walkin' away similar that.
Lee: Yeah, I'yard a player.
Lee: You lot owe me a copy of the Beach Boy's greatest hits.
James Carter: Don't you go having gettin' an mental attitude with me Lee. I been here three days and ain't done nothin' but work your cases. The simply reason why I'm here in Hong Kong is 'cause you said you was gonna show me a good fourth dimension. I'm on vacation, man! and I desire some mu shu.
Lee: Mushu, you hungry?
James Carter: No, not mushu? MU shu. I desire to see some women man. At present, stop playing dumb and take me to the SHU.
James Carter: Oh I know I don't think I see what I see what I'one thousand thinkin!
James Carter: [Outtake] Damn! He ain't gonna exist in Rush Hour iii.
[Carter and Lee Laugh]
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Source: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0266915/quotes/qt0319156
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